THE CREATIVE EGO

There was this instinct, the deepest sense of desire to portray indifference. The norms always seemed to fade away from my very vision. This young boy called “me” was brought up in an unusual way where my day started and ended with books “Out of syllabus”. This boy was part of a lingual and cultural extravaganza at a very early age. You essentially have to blame his mom for his weird behavior. She was a tough lecturer by job and a beautiful poetess by heart. As a young girl, she came out of her nut shell to realize the broader aspects of life. “Music” and “Literature” proved to be the shallow waters for her to swim through a journey called “The Creative Aspect of Intellect”. My mom has been wholly and solely responsible for the sensitive, creative and emotional part of me. I am proud of it and keep writing about it. This blog tries to get an insight into what made me decide, to be different and how different I am!! Whether at her work or her passion for writing, my mom has always tried to explore the nuances of the “Creative Ego”. If you consider excellent book reviews in newspapers, frequent appearances in television, happy critics at intellectual discussions, various awards for her contribution in literature, heading organizing committees at work, tons of students who never fail to greet her wherever they are, as being successful she is one successful woman. If you don’t , she is more successful than ever!! “Creativity” is a drug I cannot live without. I essentially realized this when I was schooling and I think it was my high school days. I had this weakness of making myself known through what I call the lingual indifference. I was keen on getting the highest score in languages like kannada, English and Sanskrit while my intellectual counterparts concentrated on subjects like science and mathematics. I always ensured to put in the most meaningful essay with lots of quotes and references only to secure scores like 4.5 out of 5. My aim was to hit the target with full score. I used to participate in competitions which involved language as a lethal weapon to kill the intellectual minds. I had instantly recognized that if you exhibited something different people would stop and look at you before they proceeded. I ended up writing poems, playing Oscar winning roles (Hmm I wish!!) in school dramas, writing essays etc. I used to hate the outdoor physical training sessions when my friends loved to sweat by playing cricket and volleyball. Thereby I consider myself creatively fit not physically. (It’s quite obvious though!!). I still remember an English lecture in my school where we were supposed to frame sentences for the words the lecturer dictated. She would in fact choose a random person for a random word who would read out the sentence loudly to the entire class. This was my sentence for the word “Aboard”. (Please note that the movie “Titanic” had stirred up the box office then). “When I went aboard the “Titanic” I saw Kate Winslet and Leonardo Di Caprio sipping a cup of coffee”. My teacher loved (laughed at) it and however stupid it was I had accomplished my mission of being different and creative. There was a time when I went blank on my kannada test when I dint know the opposite of VEERA( BRAVE). I remembered ANNAVRA( whistles and Annamana Dance. Nanna necchina nata(my favorite actor)) dialogue in one of the movies where he addresses his Enemies who cheat him by actually attacking him when he is unarmed as “ Lo Hedigala”(Hey cowards). And I put in the word “Hedi” which turned out to be right luckily. For my final project presentation in my engineering course (Our project was something to deal with improving the sound quality of guitar through digital signal processing). I insisted on ending the presentation with an image of a lighter in the shape of a guitar which actually implied that our project would ignite various opportunities in this domain. I am not sure if I could convey it to my professor but I was being creative. I am this kind of person who belongs to the category who wishes to sing and would always find a song. I believe I have been overshadowed by creativity. Believe me creativity is a lonely art. It is a place where no one else has ever been. What you will discover will be wonderful. What you will discover is yourself. But creativity creates a sense of ego, a sense of indifference towards the society. It isolates you. You will begin experiencing shades of cynicism. You will tend to hate popular things. You will begin enjoying extremely vague ideas of life. You will paint emotional murals. An ego which de- recognizes the essential, simple and basic aspects of life will be your guiding light. Trust me, you will love it. Indifference would give you a feeling of accomplished well being in your own world. Ok, what would happen when possibly equal, sensitive, emotional, creative minds create the same art on two different canvasses? Nothing! You see being my mom’s son has exposed me to this beautiful world of creativity. Being the kind of ambitious dreamer I am it is natural for me to define my own identity. I want to be a tree with my mom’s roots. See I am not demanding a separate house for myself. I am just willing to move into a new room with my own colors painted on the wall and my own signature at the end of each page in my own book. I know mom you want me to evolve into something more than you. I don’t know if I can grow more than you but I promise to grow. To grow, the key thing for me right now is to learn, imbibe and embed you!! When Alexander the Great visited Diogenes and asked whether he could do anything for the famed teacher, Diogenes replied: 'Only stand out of my light.' Perhaps someday we shall know how to heighten creativity. Until then, one of the best things we can do for creative men and women is to stand out of their light. Hmm, shall we!!!